ETHICAL DILEMMA
Sunday was the Ashfield Carnival of Cultures, a celebration of the ethnic diversity of the Ashfield Council area, arguably the most ethnically diverse council area in the Inner West of Sydney (Marrickville would be the only other council area that may be more diverse).
The refugee rights group I am a member of went along to hand out flyers on the mandatory detention of Asylum Seekers, particularly the Chinese (the largest group in detention at the moment; about 200 people). Given the large Chinese Australian population in Ashfield we had the flyer translated into Mandarin, which was very well received, as was our presence as whole; the positive comments far outweighed the negative ones.
We also had a sign up list for our email group. While at our little stall (essentially a card table with info) a woman came up, who was obviously interested in the issue. We talked for a while about the issue, which she seemed to have quite a good knowledge of. At the end she signed up to our email and SMS list.
Given her interest in the refugee issues and her intelligence, and the fact that she had extremely beautiful eyes, I had to say I found her very attractive. Looking at her name and realising she was Slavic made her even more so. As I have her phone number and our list, the big ethical dilemma is do I get her phone number off the list to call her and ask her out?
In the previous union I worked for there was a member I really liked, but I didn't think it appropriate to ask her out until I was leaving the job. I didn't think it was right to do this as it may have presented an obstacle to her contacting me for advice as a member if she said found my asking her out awkward.
I am thus confronted by a similar dilemma. Hopefully she will turn up to an event of ours soon and become active in the group. After a short while, I would ask her out so that she would then be comfortable with the group as a whole and thus wouldn’t be scared away if she found my actions awkward. However if she doesn't, is it right for me to ask her out and possibly risk forming a barrier to her becoming involved at a later time? People, guidance?
posted by Aleks - Anarcho-Syndicalist at 8:53 pm
9 Comments:
I say, its cool. As long as its clear.
Maybe if you say to her that your invitation is not in your capacity as a, um..., how to say this... anarchist nation-destroyer (I mean that as a compliment of course). But rather as a somewhat melancholic slavic cat-person (obviously that is a total compliment as well).
:-)
10:43 pm
From my point of view, she gave her phone number for a specific reason. If she had put a smiley face or given you a wink or something, different story.
If she turns up, turn on the charm, or, more likely, get so nervous you start spouting crap about how quite frankly the world is screwed, or even worse, nervously big-note yourself constantly. Disclaimer: My experience, and I'm pathetic.
So - call her to encourage her to go to any events - be witty, etc. Depending on the vibe if she turns up, ask her what she's doing afterwards, etc etc etc ETC!. Or leave it till the second time.
11:36 pm
Ethical, no.
However if she had given you clear signals that she wanted personal contact with you, rather than just the organisation you represented, and obviously flirted then it would be 'maybe'.
I have been in the situation where people (men) have had my contact or other personal details and not used them for the purpose intended, and found it very creepy. A turn off.
But then I may not be the typical female.
Reverse the role and think how you would feel.
8:56 am
Forget women. Think DONUTS
http://snpp.com/guides/mmmm.html
http://snpp.com/
10:51 pm
I used to belong to an anarchist group, in Sydney. We used to meet in a really run-down terrace in Glebe... but I stopped going: one night we were there meeting, but in the corner of the scungy room was a person, lying groaning in his little nest of blankets etc. He was the flat-mate of the "leader" [who was a Bulgarian and very interesting, he had lived (?) in a town where they had actually had an anarchist city council... ] but anyway, they ignored their suffering friend and me and my friend decided that they didnt have all the answers!! But it's a great concept.
Used to be a hippy? ... now a bourgeoise mother of 3
2:10 pm
Anything can happen between now and tomorrow.. You must go for it! Because things in life change instantly, She could fall in love with the next person that admires her eyes and mind tomorrow..
CALL HER..
She may be waiting?
4:07 pm
on an unrelated note...
I came across this doday:
“Soy” “Chai” “Latte”. Three words that even in themselves inspire contempt - the environmentally problematic processes involved in soy milk production, the shameless mimicking of India's national drink being a colonialist aberration up there with golliwogs, and don’t get me started on the Marxist take on milky coffees. Put the three together, you have pure liquid derision.
and thought of you, my friend comrade.
2:22 pm
About the girl... Maybe you could call her and invite her to another "event".
She is obv. interested in the anarco-protest-movement and could be a way to spend time with her that is not misappropriating her number or being creepy.
2:35 pm
Hmmm, I'm still in two minds. Do I call her, or do I email her and remind her about the event I talked to her about on Sunday and say that I would LOVE to see her there? Hmmm...
Justine: thanks for the compliment. As much as I wish I could just think about donuts, rememeber what Homer said:
"Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"
Larry: I know the feeling. Asking a woman out still scares me more than anything else. Well not more than the prospect of another 10 years of Liberal rule...
AOF: I have never been able to tell if a woman is flirting with me. The woman spent more time at the stall than anybody else on Sunday. Does that count?
Sally and Chop Suey: if everybody said what you did two did it would have put my mind at ease. However I still have some ethical qualms about it.
Elaine: thanks for thinking about me and the advice, but remember, I am an anarcho-syndicalist, not a marxist.
Anon: Was the person a Bulgarian from the state of Bulgaria, or by some chance a Volga Bulgarian?
6:33 pm
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