TIME AND TIME AGAIN

Time flies by way too quickly, yet it simultaneously drifts oh so slowly.

Things have improved for me, and I am spending time looking inwards it isn't nice. I see a person that likes to implode, that is so self-destructive. I turn my back on my good friends, for people who spit me out when they have used me for what I am worth, forsake a woman he was oh so beautiful in all senses of the word, in order to have a fling with someone for whom I was nothing but a play thing. Why? It seems to be a case of self-fulfiling prophicies - I look for people who will turn their back on me, while I turn my back on those people who do care about me, so that in my screwy head I can say to myself that nobody wants me.

In Douglas Copeland's book, Life after God, he says:

And then I felt sad because I realised that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.

And I wonder if that is me - have I become broken to the point where I cannot be fixed? I continue to look to see if this is the case....