Monday, January 29, 2007

TIME AND TIME AGAIN

Time flies by way too quickly, yet it simultaneously drifts oh so slowly.

Things have improved for me, and I am spending time looking inwards it isn't nice. I see a person that likes to implode, that is so self-destructive. I turn my back on my good friends, for people who spit me out when they have used me for what I am worth, forsake a woman he was oh so beautiful in all senses of the word, in order to have a fling with someone for whom I was nothing but a play thing. Why? It seems to be a case of self-fulfiling prophicies - I look for people who will turn their back on me, while I turn my back on those people who do care about me, so that in my screwy head I can say to myself that nobody wants me.

In Douglas Copeland's book, Life after God, he says:

And then I felt sad because I realised that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.

And I wonder if that is me - have I become broken to the point where I cannot be fixed? I continue to look to see if this is the case....

4 Comments:

Blogger You've Got What I Need... said...

Being a little broken's not so bad. I think we're all missing a little something here and there. What matters is how we figure out how to keep on going, like the herd of three legged dogs that we are.

Besides, perfection is so boring.

xx

12:56 am

 
Blogger Mikey_Capital said...

Most of us are mildly sprained. I know I am!

I feel for you man. But life is good. Sure it sucks if the special person you hoped for isn't there but well the internet beckons. And the beautiful thing is that brain power counts on the internet.

You got that in spades.

10:27 pm

 
Blogger elaine said...

I'm once again glad that you're still about.

looking inwards is one of the nasty necessities of growth...and if we can answer the questions honestly to patching up the broken bits that stop us functioning.

I find that challenging the 'demons' that whisper the nastiest things is the hardest...I still haven't figured out how to beat them for good. LEt me know if you do, won't you?

xx

4:34 pm

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Virginia Woolf said:
"If we didn’t live venturously, plucking the wild goat by the beard, and trembling over precipices, we should never be depressed, I’ve no doubt; but already should be faded fatalistic and old."

It made me think of you. It made me think of me, too, actually. Its not directly related to what you were saying, but anyway.

I can't sign in.
Justine.

10:02 pm

 

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